insidious

putting perfectionism on blast

Perfectionism is insidious.¹

 I almost got got again. See, your girl almost lost it. Almost caught me slipping.  Almost caught me tripping over myself, over my feet, over my duties. Almost caught me spreading myself so thin you could almost see through me clear to the other side. 

Almost made attention and external validation all there is, all that matters. 

Almost started competing with me again. 

Almost forgot why and who I be. 

I almost frustrated myself. I almost overwhelmed myself. I almost told myself a lie that I was doing a good thing when really I was doing an old thing, letting perfectionism run the show. 

Perfectionism’s so slick because the more it flaunts, the more it hides… you. It’s a veil designed to impress and allure others while simultaneously keeping everyone at arm’s length. It’s a distraction.

Photo by Johnathan Kaufman on Unsplash

So today, I am letting myself be. I'm letting myself come back together again. I don't need to spread thin. Hmm. I need to pull close. 

I need to curl around myself until my shoulders hunch and I experience the embrace and the hold I got on me. 

I remember who and why I be!

I remember perfectionism is a lie that's seductive and sweet. I remember that too much sweet makes the soul sick and the body reject what was once pleasant. 

So, no, I won't be starting this podcast on the date that I said, and yes, it irritates me just a little bit that I thought that it was okay to betray myself in the name of, well, anything. 

I meant it when I said we're going to have conversations about conjure and coaching conversations about healing, integration, ancestors and spirituality, and telling ourselves the truth until we can sniff the lies a mile away. Yes, the lies we tell ourselves.  And know this,  I may come to you as a coach, but I don't come to you as an unstudied teacher claiming to be an expert. I come to you as one who is in the classroom, in the work actively. Right now.  Which is why I want to bring it to you with integrity, with reverence, with honor, not with the temptation to be perfect  or to present it just so… just in case… 

This space invites us to just be together.  And I can't wait to start having these conversations. with you.  I can't wait.  I can't wait. 

Perfectionism tries to lie and say that it wants to be better for others, but really it seeks to convince you.

And so the question really becomes, when are you going to believe?  When are you going to believe that you actually are who you say you are. That you are already enough. 

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If you are still reading, thank you for being here! I want to invite you join me for a special livestream on my YouTube Channel, Storeytelling Tarot, on March 2nd at 3pm ET. I’m going to be sharing a collective message about Ancestral Approval and after that I’ll be doing some card pulls for $25 per question. If you’re a paid subscriber here on Substack, I’ll send you a link to receive 20% off if you pay for your mini reading in advance. I hope to see you there!

1. Dictionary.com defines as follows:

[ in-sid-ee-uhs ] adjective

1. intended to entrap or beguile:

   an insidious plan.

2. stealthily treacherous or deceitful:

   an insidious enemy.