How to Venerate Your Christian Ancestors
For the former church girls & self-proclaimed heathens who are done with Christianity
I love helping unchurched Black women/folk who are navigating the (sometimes turbulent) waters of life after Christianity. Since my last post, When Church Girls Become Conjure Women, I’ve had wonderful conversations and I want to share my thoughts here about a heartfelt question I recently received.
How do I honor my Christian Ancestors now that I’m no longer a believer?
I’m a Hoodoo and my spirituality is informed by and follows the Spiritualist Church Tradition. I’m what they call a churchy Hoodoo, but “churchy don’t mean Christian,” as Jade T. Perry teaches. I descend from a litany of churchfolk, ministers, evangelists, prayer warriors, choir directors, church mothers, you name it. My Ancestors were DEEP in the church and as someone who decided that Christianity had nothing for me, the concern about how to venerate my spirits came up often.
It’s a good question, showcasing the commitment one has to doing well by her Ancestors. But another, deeper quandary lies beneath. For me, it was not only about how to honor my Christian Ancestors. Not really. What I really wanted to know is would my Ancestors love me even when I was not performing Christianity for them? Can I honor myself and maintain ancestral relationship?
Request is not Requirement
The work of unlearning that the Ancestors aren’t actually demons in disguise waiting to drag you to hell is… a doozy, to say the least. But once I got past that Christian propaganda, I wanted to do ancestor veneration well. I wanted to continue my reputation of being a good Christian girl and transfer it into a good spiritual girl and eventually a good Hoodoo. I didn’t know then that I was falling into an all-too-familiar pattern of people-pleasing, performance, and “working out my own salvation” as the church taught me.
There is a temptation—particularly for those who have left church—to replace the Christian God with the Ancestors. The tendency comes from years of indoctrination, so small wonder that folks deify their Ancestors in such a way that positions themselves as their Ancestors’ footstool. Uneasiness and trepidation accompany the former church girl’s blossoming ancestral practice when she attempts to connect with her own flesh, blood, and bone while simultaneously bracing as though she’s somehow a sinner in the hands of an angry God.
That’s not who your Ancestors are. They were human (and quite frankly, I don’t think they desire the high place people tend to exalt them to). They’re your family members. They were people who danced and laughed. They ate, drank, cussed, and fought. They were petty and wise and funny and mean and sweet. They worshiped and they fucked.
They made mistakes. They lived lives. And they are yours.
But don't get it twisted. Just because they left their physical bodies does not mean that they've set aside their personalities, preferences, or predilections. Yes, some of your Ancestors were very devout in their Christian beliefs and some of them may want that tradition to continue through you, requesting that you return to church or Christian practices.
Just as they lived their lives; you’re smack dab in the middle of yours. And you’ve made a huge decision to leave the church to honor your personhood, to discover spiritual fulfillment within and elsewhere, and to heal from spiritual harm and oppression. As much as you love, venerate, and elevate your ancestors, this is your life to live and your spiritual journey is your own. You get to decide which spiritual path to traverse.
Jade T. Perry, a BlackQueerDisabledFemme, once told a story about her exchange with her Ancestors when they requested certain ritual and offerings from Jade. Jade responded with an exuberant [paraphrase], “I got a body!” That is to say, you’re the only one who can live your life in your body with your mind and your abilities. You have things going on that your ancestors don’t and they may ask for things that you’re not able to fulfill in the exact way they’ve asked (but more on this later).
If you left the church and the Christian faith, you did that for yourself to preserve and protect your spiritual, emotional, physical, psychological wellness and your nervous system. You chose yourself over doctrine, dogma, tradition, and theology. So while it’s important to love and uplift the Ancestors; it should not come at the expense of your wellness. Loving the Ancestors does not require your self-sacrifice.
Teaching the Ancestors a thing or two…
Sara Makeba Daise famously said that in working with the Ancestors, “we are healing ourselves backwards and forwards.” That means that your Ancestors are not the only ones in your bloodline who hold wisdom.
You, too, hold your own brilliance from what you have learned and from what you have lived.
You left the church because you learned what’s most fulfilling and what is harmful for your spiritual wellness. You have information now that your Ancestors didn't. You can teach them how you experience spiritual freedom and show them there are various ways to connect to the Divine. The relationship with the Ancestors is reciprocal and symbiotic. It moves and it flows. Sometimes you are student and sometimes they are. You both benefit from being connected and related to one another.
You matter. Where you are today, in this moment, matters to your Ancestors.
So what might you teach the Ancestors about your own spiritual healing journey?
What don't they know yet that you can shed light upon?
What might surprise them about your experience inside the church?
What might evoke emotion or arouse their protection over you?
What might move them to understanding and curiosity?
What healing might be possible when this happens?
You ain’t gotta go to church to kick it…
While some Hoodoos and non-Christian spiritualists do go to church for spiritual nourishment, there are many ways to connect with your churchy spirits that don’t involve stepping foot in a church if it is still the site of harm, abuse, or trauma for you. (Bear in mind, you could just not want to go and that’s valid, too.)
I love connecting with my churchy spirits. They hold me in ways that I need to receive constant fortification, love, and support. Churchy and Christian Ancestors can be some of your biggest allies even if you have different beliefs. Here are some suggestions I like to use to strengthen my relationship with those Ancestors that does not compromise my own spiritual, emotional, and psychological safety.
I recommend taking these to your altars and yours Ancestors to determine what resonates for your very personal and intimate relationship with them. That's what matters here. What is a yes in your spirit? What you are willing to give as an offering that your Ancestors are happy to accept?
Listen to gospel music
I know there's lots of conversations right now about the rise of Contemporary Christian music, Maverick City and the so-called death of gospel music. One thing I know is Black Gospel never died for Hoodoos and Black spiritualists! Gospel music sonically connects us to our ancestors. It bends linear time back into a circular vortex, calls and reaches the spirits through time and space, and ushers them into the very room where I am. Nothing brings my Ancestors closer than when I let the music take me, let my body move. I go from humming and moaning and rocking to full on ring shoutin’. This stokes and arouses my Christian ancestors.
Pick up the Bible
Churchy spirits love the Good Book (even though I know many former church girls have a rather conflicted relationship with it). You can read your spirits’ favorite passages to them. Commit some of their favorite Psalms to memory. Some of my spirits only speak to me through the Bible, so we use it for divination in the form of bibliomancy. I’ve found that even if reading the Bible is difficult or triggering, leaving a Bible open for the Ancestors is a start and can be an offering.
Remember Jesus is their homeboy
Christian Ancestors love the Lord (word to Whitney Houston). Though I don't recognize Jesus as a savior, I appreciate him as an ascended Ancestor. But simply praying in the name of Jesus is a way that I have connected with my Ancestors. Additionally, having a crucifix or figurine of Jesus on or near your ancestral altar can serve as a way to connect with Christian Ancestors.
Pray, pray, pray
You can honor your praying grandmother or grandfather by being their praying grandchild. You don't have to pray to Jesus to be a prayer warrior. Christians don't own prayer. Christian prayers aren’t the only ones that move mountains. The timbre of your voice when you pray invokes and energizes your Christian Ancestors. They know what it means to pray until Heaven meets earth and you can do it, too. How do the words you pray shift worlds in and around you?
These are just a few common ways to connect with Christian Ancestors but the spark is in the specifics that only your spirits will share with you.
Get Creative!
Do you have Christian ancestors who provided meals or baked cakes at church? Maybe you invoke those ancestors every time you step foot inside the kitchen to whip up something for yourself and loved ones.
Did your Ancestors preach or teach? Maybe you’re honoring them every time you teach a class, give a speech, or share your ideas with an audience.
Did your Ancestors practice water rituals like baptism or foot washing? Honoring them could look like giving offerings at a river, the ocean, or another body of water that’s significant to your family.
The possibilities are endless and they don’t all require you ever stepping foot inside of a church or returning to Christianity if that’s not your desire.
You don't have to compromise yourself to be in relationship with your Ancestors.
It is okay to assert what you can do and what you will not do. Boundaries with the ancestors are important.
More than anything else, regardless of your spiritual tradition, I believe your ancestors want to know you and for you to know them…and to be in such a harmonious relationship with you where judgment has no place.
Remember you are bone of their bone, flesh of their flesh, blood of their blood.
You are loved.
Whether you rock with Jesus, Buddha, spending time sitting up under a tree ring shoutin’ with the Hoodoos, or none of the above.
They love you.
They love you.
What are some ways you currently connect with your Christian ancestors? What would you like to try? I'd love to chat with you in the comments!
If this post stirred you, I invite you to join me for the Former Church Girl Support Circles on August 15th & September 12th. This will be a guided conversation about your lived experiences, challenges, and triumphs inside of but especially after leaving the church.
This is for you if you’ve left the church but you feel like pieces of the church haven’t left you. Come and share, be seen, and supported.
As I love to say, "I fuck with Jesus / He's not my boss."
Truly timely and sooo soo necessary. Thank you!